GOD is Awful...Said No One Ever...Until I Did!

Yes, you read it right, no I'm not a Satanist, Atheist, or Agnostic. To be quite honest, I love God with my whole heart, and I think He is terribly awful! Wait, don't leave the page. Please keep reading. I promise I am not loosing my mind. This post is a not only going to be a good read, but it will help teach us two things.

  1. Always Read in Full (the title doesn't tell the full story)

  2. Things Aren't Always What They Seem (lots of times they are quite the opposite)

Well, the first time I ever had the thought that God was awful, the year was 2012. I was riding in the car with my mom and a very few of our close friends. We were in the Greater Atlanta Area getting ready to make a left turn on Buford Hwy. I was sitting behind the driver's seat of my mom Lexus RX300. We were on the way to her 5+ bedroom home in a nice subdivision in Powder Springs, Ga. I'm mentioning the car and the home, not to brag on the items she had, but to paint the picture of the thoughts running through my head.

You see, I lost my real mom at the age of 2 years old. I was adopted by my step-mom after my dad passed away in 1998, but I didn't have a relationship with her after October of 2003. Fast forward to 2012, I had moved from Las Vegas, NV to Atlanta, GA with my ex-girlfriend after being in Las Vegas for 7 years. Once we separated, I had no family around. I made a friend on the job and we began to hang out. She needed a ride to volunteer, and me being the person that I am offered to drive her. It was over an hour away, so I ended up waiting for her. In the process of waiting, "Taylor" introduced herself to me and asked me to help out as well. For me, this was a no brainer I love helping people. Long story short, Taylor became my mom. I'm so glad she did. I fell on hard times and she was there to keep me lifted up. She loved me like I had never been loved before. She loved me even when I didn't think I was lovable. She was a minister, and she didn't judge me. She didn't judge me at all. She displayed a love so unconditional that I thought I was on a Punk'd episode. Ashton come on...jump out already.

Back to the story...as we are driving...I'm reflecting on the fact that I left Louisiana at 18 not even knowing that it was ok to not beat myself up over making a mistake, and there I was at the age of 27 realizing that love is unconditional, and everything I had experienced up until that point that was bad I had not only manage to overcome, but I gained strength. I was thinking about the hurt and pain I had experienced in life, and how alone in the world I had always felt. I was reflecting on how God could bring me from Louisiana to Nevada, only for me to end up finding not only good friends, but also a family unit in Georgia.

My step-mother had kept me away from my real mom's family (minus the occasional visit she allow with my papa) from the time I was 8 until I was 18. Once my dad died, she told me that death did her and his family part. When I was in college, she never picked me up from school at Thanksgiving break in 2003. It was at that moment I felt the lowest. She didn't answer the phone, nor did she return my calls. I had to get a court order to get my belonging from her, and the money that she was supposedly saving up for me over the years wasn't a thing. She had spent everything but $1,500. Thankfully, I reached out to my older sister, and she came and picked me up. I spent Thanksgiving with them and my aunt. They did what they could do to make me feel included, but I didn't feel connected. I had spent so much time away from them, I kinda of felt like I didn't belong. I felt like a burden. I felt like I wasn't deserving of love because no one wanted to keep me.

Twenty - seven years of bad news, and there I was with a lady that wanted to love me like her own child, encourage me, support me, and she came with a family that is just as loving as she is. When I begin to think about how God worked it all out, I was so filled with awe. I remember the feeling I had in that moment was so surreal, and I said, "God is just so awful!" If I could have captured everyone's response in that moment, it probably would have made for a very funny video. Needless to say, I was very quick to explain myself. If you add the ending -ful to any word, it means full of that word. Awful is no exception. If you think about it, it means full of awe. In today's society, we would say that awful is something that is bad, but it is only bad because over the years we have given the word "awful" negative connotations. The original definition of awful meant inspiring great awe, or worthy of, or commanding, profound respect or reverential fear.

After having this memory pop into my head the other day, I thought that I would share it. Not just by the is article, but I thought I'd put it on a shirt! Let's restore greatness and begin to erase the negativity circulating in our world today! Together we can move mountains. #godisawful


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Amber "PHOENIX" Victorian

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